The Devil's Song, a Tale of Confidence
by Firesblood
Summary: What happens when you mix Professor Severus Snape with a Confidence Potion?


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or other character therein who belong to the brilliant J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the song within this fiction, which belongs to Marcy Playground and is called The Devil Song**.

It was an every day occurrence for Severus Snape, Potions Master and professor extraordinaire. The Slytherins and Gryffindors would have the joy of joining together in this experience of being taught potions by their migraine-hampered teacher.

Even now as he saw Longbottom's concoction turn a light shade of mustard yellow, he knew it would be a horrible day. He stood and made his way over to the young Gryffindor and sighed irritably.

"Longbottom, your daftness preceded you through the door. What in the seven hells did you add to this disgrace of a potion?"

The boy visibly balked and seemed to shrink into himself, muttering something incoherent. As if on queue, the cauldron issued a low rumble and exploded, drenching the livid Potions Master from head to toe.

"Damn it all to HELL Longbottom! You are the most incompetent, unintelligent speck I have ever had the displeasure in teaching!" He screamed. Impossibly, Neville began to shrink farther down in hi seat.

Severus stomped to his office and slammed the door, looking at his ruined black robes.

"Not a great idea to wear one of my best robes into _that_ class." He complained as he pulled them over his head and entered the room. He tossed them into his hamper and grabbed fresh robes from the wardrobe then started a shower.

Now, as our dear genius was showering, a strange feeling came over him. He felt confident and handsome, perfect and indestructible.

_Some kids they know how to fight  
Some kids run  
I'm a thousand generations ahead of them  
Cool as they come  
_

He hopped out of the shower happily and wiped the fuggy mirror with his towel, gazing at his reflection. His black hair, long and glossy as polished ebony, shone in the sconces that lined the walls. He admired his porcelain face and exceptionally handsome nose. He grinned at himself, his straight and dazzlingly white teeth shining.

_  
See all my suits are Calvin Kline  
My lucky number is 69  
I got all the things I need  
It's the nature of my breed_

He walked from the bathroom and pulled his best suit out of the wardrobe; an Armani art made only from the best and richest of fabrics, and donned himself, pulling his best robes out as well. As he finished, he admired his rows of books and his possessions, particularly the olive-green chair that looked like it was about to fall over, and headed for his office. It was going to be a wonderful day, and he'd be damned if he had a dozen fan-girls following him crazily all day, begging for his attention. However, there was one in particular that he would seek out. He knew that one look at his incredibly handsome self would send her to her knees, and he would carry her away to play doctor. 

I'm independent  
Smooth and confident  
Always in command  
Graceful element  
A tasteful compliment  
Do you know who I am

Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight  
I'm a deadly handsome man  
Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight  
I'm the lion in the lamb

_  
_As he made his way down the corridors, he winked at several of the ladies, flashing his fabulous grin suggestively. They all gave him looks of awe and falling-apart-ness and stared at him with their hungry eyes. They spoke in hushed voices about how handsome he was and how they wanted to seduce him so badly (oh my god, did you see that? He winked at me! That pervert winked at me! What a greasy bastard!)

Sinistra turned the corner and he sauntered over to her.

"My dear, you look ravishing today! Would you perhaps like to join me for dinner later and if things work out, maybe a nightcap?" He cocked his eyebrow seductively. Sinistra smiled, sighed, and reached out to caress his face before walking dazedly away from him (-retching sound- SMACK!)

Everywhere I go I make the seen  
The ladies love to stroke me  
Pimped out and lazy in my limousine  
Oh come on here sweetie  
Everything I say like Socrates  
People love to quote me  
My real name is Mephistopheles  
But you can call me baby

Severus continued on his way, humming his favorite song, almost childlike. Everyone that passed him admired him, and Dumbledore even said something about how wonderful he looked (Severus, are you ill? Do you need to take the rest of the day off?). He even passed Potter and his two followers. Potter told him that he was honored to be a student of his and that he was the best teacher in the world (I think the bat of the dungeons has finally flown off the deep end. Come on; let's get out of here before he hexes us!) He received a strange, secretive look from the Granger girl and he winked at her. He saw her blush.

"Are you okay sir?" She asked timidly, her eyes large and caring.

Severus sighed and smiled at the ceiling. Already, the women were falling at his feet and it had only been ten minutes!

"I'm better then ever Miss Granger! Perhaps you could assist me with something a little later?" He inquired roguishly.

She bit her lip.

"But sir, I have to do the homework you assigned me."

"Consider it exempt, beautiful lady. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you these days?"

Hermione's confusion was written all over her face.

"Err…18 sir. My birthday was last week." She stuttered, looking around her.

Severus nodded, suddenly businesslike.

"I see. Well then, I need your assistance tonight at 7:00. Be there on time and without question."

She trembled and nodded, hurrying on after her friends. Severus stared after her, thinking softly to himself: _hmmm, better go cancel my date with Sinistra._

See all my suits are Calvin Kline  
My lucky number is 69  
I got all the things I need  
It's the nature of my breed

I'm independent  
Smooth and confident  
Always in command  
Graceful element  
A tasteful compliment  
Do you know who I am

Hermione showed up on time as usual. She sat shyly at her desk and waited patiently for him to say something. When he didn't, she cleared her throat quietly.

"Sir, what do you need my assistance with?"

Severus stood and sat on his desk lazily, buffing his fingernails on his robe.

"It has come to my attention that lately, women have been falling all over me and I think the best remedy would be for me to be…unavailable. Are you up to the challenge Miss Granger?"

Hermione blinked and her mouth formed into a seductive 'o' shape. She stood and crossed to him, grabbed him by the back of the neck, and placed a hard kiss on his lips. As she pulled away she smiled and headed for the door.

Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight  
I'm a deadly handsome man  
Look up, look down, watch out the tiger is on the town tonight  
I'm the lion in the lamb

At that moment, the feeling he had had all day disappeared and he realized that his mouth was hurting quite badly. He ran his tongue unnoticeably over his teeth, tasting the metallic tang of his blood. He glanced up to find Hermione trembling with rage and holding her fist gingerly.

"How dare you ask such things! You are my teacher Snape! At least have the decency wait until I'm OUT OF SCHOOL!" she screamed at him. Then she turned and ran out the door.

Severus frowned and walked to his quarters to look in the mirror. He had a black eye that he had no idea of when it originated, he had several other bruises along both cheeks, and his face looked as unhandsome as ever. His lips and uneven teeth were also stained with the bright red of his blood.

He walked to that blasted green chair he hated beyond all words and collapsed, trying to figure out what on earth he had done that day and why in the hell his face looked like shit.


End file.
